Death Note Host Club
by The Ryanne
Summary: All the Ouran High School Host Club members get traded with Death Note characters! And by all the Host Club members, I mean all but Haruhi, who has to deal with all the madness. Slight MelloxMatt, nothing hard-core.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: Yup, it's basically crack. I was going to have some people read over it and try to help me fix it, but didn't have time, so...ANYWHO!, I'm putting it up because I wrote the first few chapter a year ago, and didn't have time to write a new chapter for my other Death Note fic, but still wanted something up, so...I mean, not many people read Death Note/Ouran cross fics, but at least I know I have it up, so I'm happy ^.^ But, like I said, I started writing it a year ago, so it isn't so great...but none of my stories are, so whatever ^.^_

_IPORTANT: I do not own Death Note or OHSHC. I kinda own Mary, who's really just a random girl I threw in for the first few paragrphs, so don't expect her to be showing back up. I'm sorry, I know you totally fell in love with her from her, like, two lines (like Matt ^.^), but love doesn't always work, doll XD And by the way, I wrote this before I even knew what a Mary-Sue was (not that it's really that possible for Mary to be one O.o), so when I re-found this on my computer and read the name I thought it was funny ^.^ Anywho, you can just pretend Mary dies, or something, after the first few paragraphs, because she's not coming back..._

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><p>Mary excitedly pushed open the large doors to Ouran High School's third music room. She closed her eyes and smiled, allowing the sea of pink flower petals to wash over her face. When she opened her eyes, she screamed.<p>

Perched oddly on the throne where "The King" Tamaki usually sat, there was a man with dead-looking eyes, and pitch-black hair. On his right was a tall man, who looked like he could have been the father of one of the club's members. Seated on the ground directly in front of him, stacking matches, was a small boy with white hair. He gave the girl a small glance before returning his attention to his unique hobby. Behind the throne were figures standing very close to each other. One of them, with wild red hair and orange tinted-goggles, seemed quite comfortable with this, while the other, a blond, seemed a bit more tense. On the throne's left stood a boy with light brown hair, scribbling on a weird notebook between glances to the T.V. screen in front of him, where the news channel was playing. This one scared Mary the most. He also occasionally glanced at the new Tamaki in a way that made it seem like he was upset with him. Next to him, though, stood a figure that made Mary gasp, cry, and race into his arms. It was, of course, Haruhi.

"Haruhi, there strange people scare me, who are they?" she whispered into Haruhi's ear. But, before her question could be answered, there was a strange noise. _Like a motor, a very strong, loud motor…._Mary thought. And she was right.

Right from the ground a few feet away from her rose a large platform, and on it was a petite blond girl, with long hair and a skimpy outfit. Mary thought that she recognized her from a magazine she once read, but she wasn't sure.

"We're from another manga and anime called Death Note. We were traded here to spice up the Host Club! And, because of me, look at how much hotter it is already!"

"Traded?" Mary questioned.

"Yes, so the hosts you know are in the world of Death Note right now, while the characters from Death Note are here."

**The World of Death Note**

Tamaki stared at all the T.V. screens covering the walls. He had one hand on his hip, and another holding his head. On the screens were images of Kyouya, his best friend. _So, mommy is killing people, and I have to put him in jail? _He sighed, then shouted, "HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!"

**Back to the Host Club**

Haruhi spoke up then, trying to explain things better to the confused girl. "You see the man in Tamaki's throne? Well, that's L, and to his right is Mr. Rester, and in front of him is Near. Behind the throne are Matt-" Matt gave a small wave when hearing his name, and pulled the blond next to him closer, "and Mello. On the left of L would be Yagami Light. And, the one you just talked to is Misa Amane."

Mary whispered to Harhuhi again, "do the others know that there's a girl here, besides Miss Amane?"

Haruhi nearly died. All she could think was _she knows I'm really a girl….how did she know? Did Tamaki tell her before he left? No, no, even he wouldn't do something that stupid. No, I just must be terrible at pretending to be a guy…. _She wouldn't admit it, but secretly, she loved being a part of the Host Club. All her worries melted away when she realized who Mary was suspiciously glaring at. Between her uncontrolled laughs, she managed to spit out, "M-Mello? Ahaha, you think Mello's a g-girl? Ahahahaha! No, no, he's a boy, but that's the funniest thing I've heard all day!"

Mello turned bright red, and started marching towards the two girls._ Oops, did I forget to whisper that? _Haruhi thought.

_I'm gonna murder that bitch! Who's she think she's takin' 'bout? I'm gonna-_Mello's thoughts were cut short when Matt placed his hand on Mello's shoulder. _I hate him. I hate him for always making me calm down. I'm entitled to be mad every once in a while. _Matt then spun Mello around to face him.

"Calmed down yet, Mels?"

"As much as I ever will be. And don't call me 'Mels,'" Mello replied. This earned them many squeels from the girls who walked in during the introductions.

"OH! Host Club! Right. Welcome, ladies," Haruhi said with a dramatic gesture with her arm, welcoming them all in. With all this drama, she had completely forgotten the point of why she was there! And Mary must have just wandered in a little early.

Ten minutes later, they were all becoming more relaxed and having a good time with their guests. Well, all of them except Mello and possibly Matt, who played it off well.

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><p><em>Author's Note #2: Yeah, it's short. And I'm sure it's been done MILLIONS of time before. And probably with similar wording...But I'll try to make the rest of the plot more Ryanne-ish (which means no plot at all and just running' with whatever pops into my head ^.^')<em>

_ Please review! PLEASE! I'll love you forever and ever and ever and ever if you do!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: This chapter is so short And I was in Canada for most of last week, so I didn't have time to fix it or write a new chapter for my other Detah Note fan fic, so I'm putting up this one instead ^.^' BUT!, good news (if ya like my writing, that is), there's the slight possibility that I might be able to update more from now until the end of summer, because I've been busy most of the summer until now. So yays, I might actully start putting things up on time! ^.^_

_And, no, I still don't own anything, really, except the words. Well, not really, but the order the words are in. Kinda. Sorta. In a way. Lol, jk ^.^ (rhymes ^.^)_

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><p>"THEY WHAT!" Mello screamed.<p>

"Well, they're very **close**," one of the twins' guests replied.

"Maaaaaaaatt, just because the twins act like that doesn't mean that we have to just to impress their costumers, right?" Mello whined.

"Aww, Mello, you're so cute when you whine," Matt said, tilting Mello's chin to face him. Mello's eyes went so wide that it looked like they would pop out of his head.

"What….the….hell….DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" Mello screamed, though he secretly loved when Matt touched him, especially his face. Mello had feelings for Matt that went beyond your average friendship, but Mello was still trying to sort those feelings out, and he didn't like having his decision between liking males or females rushed.

Matt leaned in close to him, whispering in his ear, "please Mels, just play along. The girls love it." _His breath….it's so warm….SNAP OUT OF IT MELLO! Just give yourself a moment to think….are those feeling towards Matt real….Doesn't matter, might as well just play along with it._

All of a sudden, there were loud footsteps, and a girl screamed. It was obvious who.

"No, Motchi, I'm having fun here!" Misa yelled.

"As your manager, I must escort you back to the Death Note anime/manga world," Mogi said.

"She's fine with us. Why don't you go back and protect Motsuda, though, you know he'll get himself in trouble," L offered. Mogi thought about this for a while, before walking out of the room with a sense of purpose.

"So, everybody, Host Club is over for the day! See you all next week!" Haruhi said, making a point of looking at the clock.

Once all the guests had left, L, Light, Near, Mr. Rester, Haruhi and Matt and Mello had a meeting.

"I'm sorry guys, but you have to get more into your character," Haruhi said. "Near, no more evil glares at the girls. Try to act cuter. And, go eat some cake, or something. L, you have to be more romantic. And try to sit up straight. And call Light Mommy." Light had to cut in here.

"Hey hey hey, I NEVER agreed to THAT!"

"Well, sorry, it goes with your characters," Haruhi explained.

"But I don't want people to think I'm, ya know, gay."

Haruhi looked surprised by this. "You're not?"

"OF COURSE NOT! Why would you think I would be?"

"Well, I mean, your last name **is** 'I'm a gay' backwards…."

"Oh, and you look like a girl!" He yelled back.

"Haruhi, I sympathize with you. You look very manly. I know what it's like to be called a girl when you're so obviously not," Mello said.

"Oh, um, I am a girl, I just dress up like a boy," Haruhi explained. This caused a laugh to erupt from Matt.

"It's okay, Mels, so long as you'll be **my** girl."

"MATT! I THOUGHT WE AGREED TO ONLY DO THAT TO IMPRESS THE GIRLS!"

"Yeah, well, we don't want to accidentally forget, so I think we should make it a habit," Matt suggested with a smirk.

"Matt, you clumsy dumbass! If you didn't have such a bad memory then I wouldn't have to do this!" Mello was, as usual, secretly happy about this, otherwise he would never do it.

"Okay, good you two. And Light, you're going to have to take us on a field trip, making up some excuse about it being for the money, or something," Haruhi added, quite happy that Mello and Matt were more willing to get slightly into their characters.

"And you don't expect me to pay for it, right?"

"Well, I guess that you guys will have to move into your characters' houses while you're here….So, I guess that they'll become your family….So, you're filthy rich now, Light."

L chuckled. "I heard rumors that the twins don't even own two separate beds, because they end up in the same one anyways."

Mello looked like he was going to kill someone.

"Calm down, Mels, I'm sure we can buy another one with our new money."

"Ahaha, but you guys said that you wanted to act like the twins," L said, still laughing.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Mello screamed.

"Calm down, Mels, I said I would buy you a separate bed, so I'm gonna buy you a separate bed." Matt's words made Mello feel a little better. A little.

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><p><em>Author's Note #2: Told you it was short. And I have a major headache right now, so I'm going to sleep even though it's fairly early. So please review ^.^ I was so happy when I came back from Canada, turned my computer on, and saw that I had a bunch of emails saying I had gotten reviews ^.^ It made my day, and I hadn't had the best day ever (I had to sit between two buff guys I didn't know because the plane was too full for me to sit near my sister or gandma, and I had to wake up at six, and I had to sit in a car with my father, who picked us up from the airport, and I think I'm sick again, and now I'm just complaining. Sorry ). <em>

_So, anywho, please review so that I can improve ^.^_


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: Yeah, just consider this a not-very-funny crack fic, because I can't seem to get any of the characters right...And this chapter is very short...Also, (I figured I'd add this in) in my Death Note Sims (yes, I made a whole Death Note world in Sims 2, it's pretty epic), my Near Sim keeps attacking peoples...Like, non-stop..._

_Disclaimer: (first time I'm actually calling it by it's actual name ^.^) I own nothing. At all. _

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><p>Mello and Matt walked up to school the next day arm-in-arm. They had slept in a hotel that night, just in case, but they were later told by Haruhi that they would be living in the Hitachiin house from then on. Mello still looked uncomfortable, but Matt seemed perfectly fine with it. They arrived to their first class early, so they found Haruhi and started talking to her. Class started shortly after, and, in attempt to stay in character, they sat next to each other, with Matt next to Haruhi.<p>

"So, I still haven't figured out which one of you is Hikaru, and which is Kaoru. Do you guys know?"

"You knew them better than we did. Actually, we never met them before," Matt answered. Mello was still upset, so he just folded a bunch of origami cranes out of the pages in his workbook. He had already finished them all, and showed them to the teacher in attempt to show her how low-level the school's education was. She just smiled at him and gave him a gold star sticker. He had surrounded himself and his desk with hundreds of the birds by the end of the class.

**End of School**

Haruhi walked into Music Room Three. She was five minutes late. _God, Kyouya's gonna kill me when I get there for being so late._ Then she remembered that Kyouya wasn't there, and, when she walked into the room, she realized that the _no one_ was there at all. By the time L finally walked in, Haruhi wasn't happy.

"Where were you!"

"Eating cake," he said, shrugging slightly.

"Where's everybody else?"

"How should I know? It is your job to watch out for the twins, I mean, you **do** have the same last class together, so you'd think you would just walk with them…."

"They ditched school before lunch. I was hoping that they would still show up for Host Club, though. But anyways, you're supposed to be with Light at all times, so where's he?"

"He's tried to kill me on a number of times, and if he only knew what my real name was then he would write it down in his notebook. I'm not gonna be hanging around him"

"Do you know how crazy you sound?"

"I have a slight idea."

Both L and Haruhi turned around when they heard a loud sneeze.

"Damn these flowers and their pollen. They're chicken shit. No, they're more low-lived then chicken shit. They're less then chicken shit," a monotone voice said. It was almost funny to hear it in such a deadpan way.

"I'm sorry for bringing this up, Near, but you've already used that line to describe the vice-president," Mr. Rester corrected.

"Why are all the ones that follow me around pink, anyways? Why can't I have white ones?"

"They would match everything about you….your hair, your light skin, and even your outfit…."

"You're color is pink. Rester is dark blue, Light is purple, and Mello and Matt are orange and blue, although, I'm still not sure which one is which, because I don't know which one is supposed to be Hikaru, and which one is supposed to be Kaoru. Do any of you guys know?" Haruhi cut in.

"I want black!"

"Mello, Matt, you're back! You can't just leave school, I hope you know," Haruhi said when she saw Mello in the doorway. Matt walked around behind him, grabbed his arms, and held him in place while he struggled to get free.

"I can do whatever I feel like, damn it! Don't you tell me what I can't do! I'm smarter than that fuckin' principle of this damn place!"

"Mello, what did we agree on about the cussing?"

"Sorry Matt."

"Wow, Mello's actually apologizing, I hope you got that on tape, because it'll never happen again," Near said. Matt got into the same position as before, holding Mello back from attacking.

"Thank god today was only a members' meeting, and not an open day, or the Host Club would definitely be banned from the school," Haruhi said, before ending the "meeting."

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><p><em> Author's Note #2: Told you it was a short chapter...Even shorter than most of my other short chapters...<em>

_ So, now that you've read, please review telling me how to improve ^.^_


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